I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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