I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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