I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
