her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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