You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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