I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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