Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
