I cannot find my penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
