no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
