Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
