So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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