Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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