420 ftw
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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