I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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