PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Panties = found
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
