The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
