Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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