my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
