Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
