I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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