Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
