How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
