Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
