She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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