Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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