last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
