my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
