I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
