Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
