he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
