Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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