its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
