I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
