I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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