The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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