Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize