I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
