I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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