The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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