anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
