just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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