This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
