Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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