i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
