C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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