i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
