I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize