End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
