the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
