is your mom at the bar?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
