talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
