Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
