wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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