I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
