The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize