I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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