I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
