alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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