i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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