You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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