Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize