this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize