after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
