Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
