Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
