after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
did i just pee glitter
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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