The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
