Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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