i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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