Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
