What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
