tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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