More tranny stories later!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who died my cat blue again?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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