Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
