He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
