WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
