Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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