I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
