Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
