Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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