Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All the doctor said was why
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
