2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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