i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
