No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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