a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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