Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
