I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
