i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
