He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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