JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
