shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
