I wish I could teleport
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
