she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
