My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
